couple of pieces from that bill simmons article...
had to put this up separately.... too fuckin funny
1. The New Rat Pack
Sports Illustrated's fawning, masturbatory puff piece/cover story/PR release about LeBron, Carmelo and Wade was good for one thing: the revelation that those three young players have formed a hangout group called "Our Family" with Chris Paul and Joe Johnson. Apparently they hang out and stuff. And I can see how Paul gets an invite, but Joe Johnson? Joe Johnson??? Who invited him? More importantly, if this were the Rat Pack, LeBron is Sinatra (the leader), Wade is Dean Martin (coolest guy on the group), Joe Johnson is Peter Lawford (in other words, why is he even here?), and maybe you could even talk me into 'Melo being Sammy Davis Jr. But Chris Paul as Joey Bishop??? I'm not seeing it. They may need to replace him with Jalen Rose.
SIX GUYS WHO LOOK SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE THAN THEY DID LAST SEASON
1. Bruce Bowen
Stick a fork in him. This is a significant problem for the Spurs, by the way -- they don't have anyone to cover the Gilbert Arenas and Corey Maggettes of the world right now. Why wouldn't they deal Brent Barry (his contract expires in 2008) and Eric Williams (his contract expires in 2007) and take the Completely Insane Stephen Jackson off Indy's hands? They already won one title with him, right?
2. C-Webb
Currently in the "Kathleen Turner when she was playing Chandler's transsexual dad on 'Friends'" stage of his career.
3. Boris Diaw
Some actual quotes from Boris' training regimen this summer as his agent hammered out his long-term deal with the Suns: "I already had ice cream today, but screw it -- I could go for a chocolate shake if you're going to Baskin Robbins." ... "Damn, I keep forgetting to get my exercise bike fixed!" ... "Trust me, you have NOT lived until you've had these donuts." ... "Hey, if you see Steve Nash, could you not tell him that I threw up when we were playing three-on-three today?" ... "Also, when you go to our practice facility, can you tell our equipment manager that I'm a 38-waist now?"
4. Channing Frye
Starting to look more than a little Loren Woodsy.
5. Manu Ginobili
Any time a guy loses two steps and develops a bald spot, that's usually a sign that he's on his way out of the league soon. We're sure he's only 28 and not 35, right?
6. Larry Bird
Can we get him a gift certificate to a spa? What about 10 free trips to a tanning salon? I'm worried about The Legend. He's never been the same since the Artest Melee.
